There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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