he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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