Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
lets start a swedish sibling band together
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
