I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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