my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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