If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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