Cold hands, warm shart.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My dick has a subreddit
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
