Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
