No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
