You can't motorboat a personality
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
