Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
