went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
