The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
