I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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