i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
