clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
