You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
