her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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