I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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