i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
