I didn't shave. On purpose
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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