my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
