So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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