I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
