If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
