Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
