I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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