Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
