Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
