Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
