More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
