It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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