Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
