Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
