i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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