where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
