I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
