I cannot find my penis.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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