well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
