i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
