remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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