non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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