She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i dont even know how to be here
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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