My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
