high people should be assigned attendants
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
