Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
