Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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