I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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