Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
