I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
