I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Congratulations! We have a period
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