dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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