I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I am available for nakedness
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
