You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
